Saturday, 4 October 2014
This is a self-portrait. It deals with my anxiety as an artist, my fear of making marks that might be perceived, by myself or others, as unattractive or unpleasant. A constant fear that I am not good enough for my own high expectations. A fear of unoriginality or lack of imagination; this image is reminiscent of Matisse's cut-outs. As a result of these nagging issues, I remain in a protective, defensive state, preferring to bare more of my physical self than of my art, my psychological self.
I feel vulnerable, trying desperately to remain in my comfort zone, my personal womb. Yet the very act of trying is making me uncomfortable and I am increasingly aware of my need to break away from it, for fear of self-destruction. I have so much to express, but I am hesitant. Scared of failure.